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Kirby's Insane Journey to Learn How to Wall Jump...Again!
#1
I'm posting this again for completion's sake. It's still up on fanfiction.net, but that's sites formatting changes over the years retroactively wrought havoc on the story's formatting.


[B][U]Kirby's Insane Journey to Learn How to Wall Jump
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#2
Chapter 6: BAR FIGHT!!!


*Kirby is trapped between Fox and Gannondorf. Link is lying on a table, knocked out. And Yoshi is about to get his arse kicked by a large and vicious female dinosaur.*

Fox: How should we deal with this fawker?

GD: ...let's just beat the biyatch to a pulp.

Fox: Good idea.

*Gannondorf swings his sword at Kirby. Kirby jumps back and is kicked by Fox. Fox and Gannondorf proceed to kick and stomp Kirby for over a minute. Yoshi, noticing how big the dinosaur is, tries to slide between her legs. She turns around recklessly, stepping on Yoshi and tripping at the same time. Yoshi screams as the dinosaur falls and her foot is lifted off of his body. Yoshi scrambles over to the counter and looks for a weapon, hoping the Rhino doesn't still have it. There were no weapons left at the counter. The dinosaur gets up and stomps over to Yoshi. Yoshi grabs anything close to him. He picks up a vase with a flower in it, and holds it high, ready to throw it at her. The dinosaur's size alone causes Yoshi to tremble and hesitate as she stops right in front of him. She snatches the vase and pulls the flower out of it. She drops the vase and stares at the flower. She starts to blush and her eyes water. She grabs Yoshi and hugs him. Yoshi doesn't know what just happened and is too busy replaying the previous events in his mind to realize that his bones are going to snap if she hugs him any tighter. Kirby is still getting stomped while Link finally comes to. He starts to get up off the table, but before he can do anything else a thin object flies past him and smacks Fox in the face. Before Fox even realizes that his face was just smacked the object retracts. Gannondorf stops and looks over his shoulder. Before he can make anything out, the object smacks him in the face aswell and retracts. Fox and Gannondorf turn around to find Shiek standing behind them, with her whip ready to smack them again. Link charges at Gannondorf again but he picks Link up by the throat, and throws him towards Fox. Fox kicks Link like a ball behind the counter. Both of them have their backs turned to Shiek and she swings her whip again, this time, very hard. The whip is so powerful that it knocks Gannondorf and Fox off of their feet and towards the counter, where Link is waiting. Link does his Sword spin, bouncing them both back to Shiek, where she whips them again. Link and Shiek bounce Gannondorf and Fox back and forth like a volleyball until an explosion blows Shiek, Link, the stomped Kirby, Fox, and Gannondorf away. Everyone in the bar, excited by the action, begins fighting each other. The bar has become chaos. Standing on the counter once again is the Rhino, with his bazooka pointed straight at the downed Shiek, Link, Kirby, Gannondorf, and Fox. He seems to have caused the explosion.*

Rhino: I said that if you fought, you would leave in pain.

?????: Maybe you should be in pain.

Rhino: Who said that?! I'm gonna fawk you up!

?????: Fawk this up!

*The pub door is thrown open and a missile flies in, straight at the Rhino. The missile barely misses several heads of fighting animals as it flies straight at the Rhino. It misses the Rhino but hits the wall behind the counter, blowing the rhino off of it. Samus, retracts her cannon. She is the one who launched the missile. Gannondorf gets up, pissed, he launches a ball of energy at a corner of the pub, sending a cat and a table flying across to the other side of the pub. Shiek stands up, but is cornered by several animals that seem to want to pick on her instead of each other. She backs up to a window, when the animals charge at her. She teleports leaving an explosion behind blowing the animals out of the pub's window. Kirby finally stands up after the brutal beating he got but is hit by a glass of wine, sending him back to the floor. Samus launches a fully charged shot across the pub. It picks up three animals and carries them into the wall, where it explodes. Another gang of animals roam the bar, and decide to pick on Samus. They all jump on her and start beating on her, when she does the Screw Attack sending them all flying in different directions. The large dinosaur finally puts Yoshi down once she realized what was going on in the bar. Yoshi looks around for his group, but can't seem to find them in the raging mass of animals brawling in the bar. One of the animals blown away by Samus' Screw Attack, flies in Yoshi's direction. Yoshi doesn't see him coming but the dinosaur does and she grabs Yoshi and pulls him out of the way before he collides with the flying animal. Fox gets up and FireFox's his way through the mass of animals. He and Gannondorf run out of the bar. Samus finds Yoshi, and grabs him, running out of the pub and chasing after Fox and Gannondorf. The dinosaur doesn't want to be separated from her love and follows after them. Link picks up the battered Kirby, finds Shiek and follows after Samus and Yoshi...*



Chapter 7: Alley Rush

*Fox and Gannondorf run through the alleys of Corneria with Samus and the group following closely after them. Fox and Gannondorf come to a three-way split. They look at each other, and go in different directions. Samus and Yoshi arrive at the splits.*

Samus: I'm sure they went in different directions. You stay here just in case one of them come back.

Yoshi: I can be of more use than waiting for one of them to come back!

*Samus runs down the left path, completely ignoring Yoshi. Link and Sheik appear with the unconscious Kirby.*

Sheik: Where's Samus?

Yoshi: She went down the left path. She thinks Fox and Gannondorf went down different paths.

Sheik: So why are you here.

Yoshi: She thinks one of them might come back, so she told me to stay here.

Sheik: Good, you can keep an eye on Kirby.

Yoshi: I don't want to baby sit!

Sheik: It's not that hard keeping an eye on someone who's not even awake.

Yoshi: *sigh*

*Sheik lays Kirby on the ground next to Yoshi, and goes down the middle path while Link goes down the right path. Link feels something pass him by quickly, but thinks it's nothing. The female dinosaur finally makes her way down the alley, and sees Yoshi. She becomes extremely happy and begins running towards Yoshi until she sees a foot strike Yoshi down. She stares in shock as the rest of the body is revealed, making it known that it is Fox McCloud who kicked Yoshi. Her face changes from a shocked to furious expression. Her eyes lock on to Fox and she charges down the alley at high speeds. Fox's ears pick up a heavy sound and he looks down an alley path. He sees two bright red eyes heading towards him, but he can't see the body because of the lack of light in the alley. He finally makes out the body as it comes into the light, but it is too late. The massive body picks Fox up and continues to run down another alley. The noise wakes Kirby up and Yoshi watches the large body carry Fox into the darkness of another alley, and he knows it's the dinosaur because she had the same look on her face when she almost killed him in the bar. Gannondorf runs down the alley path until he reaches a dead end.*

Gannondorf: Damn...

Samus: Looking for a way out?

GDorf: Ah, I see you have found me.

Samus: Well, you move so slowly that I wasn't sure if you wanted to be found or not.

GDorf: Well, lets fight.

Samus: Gladly *points cannon at Gannondorf*

*rumble*

Samus: Huh?

GDorf: What the hell was that noise?!

*Samus and Gannondorf look down the alley, trying to figure out what the noise was. They then see a huge dinosaur, with Fox in her hand, running towards them. Samus wall jumps out of the way. Gannondorf tries to jump out of the way, but gets knocked through the air by the powerful dinosaur. The dinosaur stops at the dead end, and slams Fox into some trash bags in a corner. She begins stomping and slashing at the bags, while Fox rolls around, trying to dodge all of the attacks. Yoshi and Kirby run up the alley, and Yoshi tells the dinosaur to stop. Samus lands, and shortly afterwards, Gannondorf comes crashing to the ground.*

Samus: Aren't you suppose to be at the splits?

Yoshi: Yeah...but all the action is here. Besides, Sheik and Link are back there, somewhere...

Samus: Who is that big-arse dinosaur?

Yoshi: I met her in the bar. It seems she has taken a liking to me. What is your name, anyway?

Dinosaur: I'm...Shyla...

Kirby:

Fox: *trying to get out of the trash* I will get you all!

Kirby: Oh, calm down. We aren't here to fight you. We just want your help.

GDorf: Our...help? You need it for what?

Kirby: The rules have gotten strict and we need as many mascots as possible to convince Miyamoto into making them not so strict.

GDorf: ...So?

Yoshi: I guess you haven't heard yet...you aren't allowed to have your own moveset. You are...*snicker*...a clone of Captain Falcon!

GDorf: WHAT?! This is ridiculous! I will not stand for this!

Fox: And what makes you think you can convince me?

Kirby: Hmmm...I still remember a certain event that took place with you and a female Fox one night. I'm sure General Pepper wouldn't be too happy about that...

Fox: Fawk...

Samus: So...will you boys cooperate?

Yoshi: Or will Shyla have to deal with you?

Fox: Dammit...

GDorf: We'll cooperate.

Kirby: Good.



Chapter 8: Peach and Mario

*Sheik and Link run up the alley to find Samus, Kirby, Yoshi, a big arse dinosaur, Gannondorf, and Fox.*

Sheik: What is going on?!

Kirby: We got Fox and Gannondorf to join us!

Fox: *mumble*

Sheik: And the big-arse dinosaur?

Kirby: Yoshi's girlfriend!

Sheik: Doesn't look his type...

Yoshi: Shut up!

Fox: Can we leave, dammit!?

*The group leaves the alley and returns to Samus ship, to find Captain Falcon, asleep on top of the ship and some furry hoodlums trying to pry the hatch open. Samus fires a blast at the hoodlums and they flee. The noise wakes Falcon up.*

C.Falcon: *yawn* I see everything worked out.

Samus: You were supposed to be watching the ship, not sleeping on it!

C.Falcon: I'm sorry armored muffin but you took so long.

Fox: Armored muffin? Those two...

Yoshi: Yup.

Fox: ...in a relationship?

Yoshi: Yup.

Fox: ...disgusting.

Yoshi: My same reaction.

*After a little more arguing between Samus and Falcon, everyone enters the ship.*

C.Falcon: Hello Ms. Shyla. You are quite the big-arse dinosaur.

Shyla: Um...thank you.

C.Falcon: I bet Yoshi would regret getting on your nerves. You'd probably tear him apart!

Yoshi: Not like how you'd get your arse kicked by Samus...

Fox: I want some alcohol, dammit!

Samus: Take this and shut up.

*Samus tosses a bottle of Gin to Fox, who gladly catches it and sits down on the floor of the ship to drink it. Link and Gannondorf are standing in opposite corners, staring each other down.*

C.Falcon: Hey Kirby, you have something on your back.

Kirby: Huh?

C.Falcon: Yeah, it looks like a footprint.

Kirby: ...shut up!

C.Falcon: But-

Kirby: SHUT THE HELL UP!

Samus: Wait, you don't tell my man to shut the hell up.

Sheik: Kirby, calm down...

Kirby: No, SHUT THE HELL UP ALL OF YOU!

*Kirby stomps into the backroom of Samus' ship, and Falcon looks clueless as to what just happened. Everyone just looks at each other in disbelief.*

Yoshi: Boy Falcon, you seem to be pissing everyone off today.

C.Falcon: I don't understand. Why is he mad at me and the rest of us?

Yoshi: I guess not you and us specifically. He got stomped pretty hard in the bar by Fox and Gannondorf so I guess he's still upset over that.

C.Falcon: But he seemed happy a moment ago.

Yoshi: Kirby is weird like that.

Sheik: So...Samus. Who are we getting next?

Samus: Mario and Peach.

*Everyone groans at the thought of Mario and Peach coming. Falcon walks into the backroom to see if he can make things better with Kirby, even though everyone encouraged him not to.*

Samus: It seems popularity has changed them.

Yoshi: They are mean and vicious. I'm glad I left before they chained me up like they did Luigi.

Sheik: And who knows what happened to poor Toad...

Samus: We are arriving...now.

*The ship lands at the familiar scene of Peach's castle...except now the castle has a big hole in the roof and chunks of the roof are floating in the moat. Peach and Mario walk out of the castle to see why the ship has landed.*

Mario: What do you want-a?

Samus: We want to get as many Nintendo mascots as possible to come with us. As you know, the rules for the Super Smash Brothers Melee tournament have been stricken. We want to loosen the strictness by convincing Miyamoto to get HAL to change some of the rules.

Mario: Hm...

*Peach whispers in Mario's ear, and he quickly accepts Samus' offer. Not too long afterwards, Peach and Mario board the ship with their new slave, Toad. Ever since Luigi was freed, Toad was forced to take his place. Toad runs into a corner and cries while Peach and Mario look at everyone on the ship. She sees Fox sitting down and drinking his Gin, and is disgusted by his presence.*

Peach: Mario, remove this funky animal.

Mario: Sure Peach.

Fox: Wha?

Samus: Um, no. He cannot leave. He was hard enough to convince to come with us, he's not leaving now.

Peach: But...I bet he doesn't even bathe!

Fox: Even if I didn't bathe, I'd still be cleaner than you, tramp.

Peach: TRAMP!?

*Peach, in a rage, picks up Toad and throws him at Fox. Fox easily deflects the hurled Toad away with his arm. Link ducks as the deflected Toad flies in his direction. Mario holds Peach back.*

Peach: I REFUSE TO BE IN THE PRESENCE OF THIS FUNKY ANIMAL!!!

Mario: Peach, calm down.

Samus: You will just have to deal with his presence. You don't talk to him and he doesn't talk to you.

Peach: FINE!



Chapter 9: Mayhem and Icicle Mountain

Peach: Toad!

*Toad, who was flung behind Link after Peach's rage, begins to cry. *

Peach: TOAD!

*Toad begins to cry even louder.*

Peach: Toad! I think I'm about to have another headache and
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#3
Chapter 11: More Mayhem

Samus: I want my damn ship back!

C.Falcon: No one steals armored muffins' ship and gets away with it! Those seals will pay!

Yoshi: Falcon, seals don't hijack ships!

Nana: Standing out here isn't going to get us anything! I'm getting pissed again!

Popo: Let's go back to the house!

Kirby: The blizzard is so bad that I can't even see the house anymore!

Popo: I think there is a cave over here!

*Popo backs up into the mountain wall and feels along the side of it until he stumbles into darkness. "In here!" he yells to the others. The others follow his voice. Samus follows until she stops after hearing a familiar sound.*

Kirby: Samus, get in here!

Samus: I heard something...familiar.

C.Falcon: Come on armored muffin!

*Samus completely ignores her group calling her to come into the cave. She walks in the opposite direction and disappears in the raging blizzard.*

Yoshi: Samus' stubborn arse! She should have come in here!

Kirby: What are we going to do now!?

C.Falcon. Armored muffin might not be okay! I have to check on her!

*Captain Falcon charges out of the cave after his "Armored Muffin" and disappears into the blizzard.*

Kirby: Now what?!

Popo: I say we follow them. There isn't a point in being separated from them.

Kirby: I guess you're right.

*The others walk out of the cave and into the blizzard, holding on tight to each other. Captain Falcon reaches the ledge where Samus' ship was parked. He sees Samus standing on the edge of it. He struggles against the blizzard to reach her.*

C.Falcon: Samus! Armored Muffin! Get away from the ledge!

Samus: Hush Falcon! I hear it again!

*The rest of the group reaches the ledge and struggle against the raging blizzard to reach Falcon and Samus.*

Kirby: Falcon! Samus! Why are we here?!

Samus: When I tell everyone to jump, we all jump!

Yoshi: What?! Are you crazy?!

Samus: Trust me...don't you hear it too?

*Everyone gets quiet and hears a noise, despite the sound of a raging blizzard; they hear the familiar sound of the throttles on Samus' ship. "Jump!" screams Samus. They all jump off of the ledge and land on something hard...and it's moving! It's the top of Samus' ship. Nana finds herself, slipping off the side of the ship. Popo grabs her but starts to slip too. Captain Falcon grabs and pulls them up with ease. Samus opens the hatch and everyone hops in.*

Kirby: What...happened?!

*The group looks around the ship as they find everyone in it lying on the floor.*

Kirby: They're not...dead, are they!?

Samus: No, they are sleep. Someone must have used sleeping gas. I don't see anyone else, though...

*Samus runs to the cockpit's controls. She examines the controls and settings.*

Samus: Well, whoever did this doesn't fully understand how to work my ship but they did manage to set the ship to circle the mountain.

Yoshi: Why would you hijack a ship and not know how to fly it?

C.Falcon: Damn those seals! Who do they think they are, hijacking armored muffin's ship like that?!

Yoshi: Falcon! How many times do I have to tell you that SEALS DON'T HIJACK SH-

*Yoshi's sentence is cut off as the door to the backroom opens. A large Topi and three seals exit the backroom and stop infront of the group, shocked.*

C.Falcon: Ah-hah! I was right!

Yoshi: I don't understand!

Topi: Get off of my ship!

Samus: Your ship? *The seals clap and wail* this is MY ship! Leave now or be forced out!

Topi: I own this ship now. I always wanted a ship. Now I have one.

C.Falcon: You bastard! You will give her back her ship now!

Topi: That's a woman? I thought it was a man tweaking his voice a bit. *Laughs*

C.Falcon: BASTARD!!!

*Enraged about the comment the Topi made about his "Armored Muffin", Captain Falcon charges forward with a Falcon Punch. He makes a direct hit with the Topi, but it doesn't seem to have done anything.*

Popo: Falcon! Careful! That's not an ordinary Topi!

*The Topi swings his fist, and knocks Captain Falcon all the way across the ships room. Everyone prepares for a battle. The three seals jump Popo and Nana. The Topi grabs Yoshi and tosses him to the side. Kirby readies his hammer. Samus helps Captain Falcon up.*

C.Falcon: I'm okay, armored muffin.

Samus: And to think, I was trying to avoid having battles on my ship.

*The Topi picks up Kirby, but Kirby turns into a stone. The Topi throws Kirby anyway. Popo and Nana's hammer spin blow the seals away. Yoshi gets up but trips over a sleeping Zelda. He then kicks her sleeping body and mumbles. Samus launches a missile at the Topi, but the impact only knocks the Topi back a few inches.*

Nana: The Topi is strong...a little too strong.

Kirby: What are we going to do?

C.Falcon: It's quite obvious that we should throw them off the ship.

Samus: Falcon...that's a great idea!

Yoshi: Falcon had a good idea? Impossible!

*Samus opens the hatch of the ship and Popo and Nana smack the seals out one by one. Everyone gangs up on the Topi and begins to beat on him. Falcon finishes the Topi off with a Falcon Punch. This time, the Topi is knocked through the hatch and disappears in the blizzard. Not long afterwards, everyone wakes up.*

Zelda: Ohhh...I feel like someone kicked me.

Kirby: ...Yoshi did it!

Yoshi: Snitch!

*Slap*

Yoshi: Ouch!

Zelda: Kicking me while I was sleep?!

Yoshi: You shouldn't have been laying in my way!

Mario: What-a happened?

C.Falcon: Seals hijacked the ship!

Yoshi: Technically, a Topi hijacked it. The seals were just helping.

Samus: I guess it had a sleep bomb that knocked everyone out.

*Whip*

Peach: Why didn't you stop them from coming in here?!

Toad: I didn't know they were coming!

*Whip*

Toad: Ah!

Peach: I told you NO EXCUSES!

C.Falcon: Hey, don't whip the little guy like that!

Peach: What...hey, you are one hunk of man!

C.Falcon: Well, um...

*Peach drops the whip and runs over to Falcon. She hops in his arms and throws her arms around his neck.*

Peach: *twirling her finger on Falcon's chest* you wouldn't mind keeping a girl company, would you?

Mario: PEACH-A!

Fox: *mumbling* I told you she was a tramp.

C.Falcon: Well...uh...sorry to disappoint you miss Peach but-

Samus: He's already taken.

Peach: Taken by whom? Surely he can't be taken by a galactic bimbo such as yourself?

Samus: He's mine and proud of it, you royal Hussy.

Fox: I was looking forward to some entertainment. It seems that the wench and the tramp are fighting.

Yoshi: Why are they fighting over Falcon? It looked like Samus didn't even want Falcon in the first place. Why can't they fight over me?

Gannondorf: They aren't fighting over you because they know that big arse dinosaur owns you.

Yoshi: She doesn't own me!

Gannondorf: Sure...

Yoshi: SHYLA DOES NOT OWN ME!

Zelda: How does it feel to get picked on, Yoshi? Who's genderless, or in this case, owned by a big arse dinosaur now?

Yoshi: This isn't funny!

C.Falcon: I cannot cheat on my armored muffin!

Peach: Fawk that galactic bimbo!

Samus: Falcon, put the royal hussy down!

Mario: Let-a go of Peach-a now!

Samus: What? Falcon doesn't want that royal hussy!

Mario: Royal Hussy? She is MY royal-a hussy! Falcon-a cannot-a have her without-a a fight-a!

Peach: Mario, shut up! I'm not going through all this just for him. Besides, there is a much better man in this ship!

*Peach hops out of Falcon's arms and Mario runs towards her. She turns away from Mario and bends down near Fox, who was enjoying the little argument.*

Peach: I...never realized how sexy and handsome Fox was until now.

Zelda: What?! Are you sure you didn't sip some of that gin?

Peach: Now THIS is a real man! *Scratching fox's ear*

Fox: Wha?

Peach: Hold me Fox!

*Peach puts her hand up to her head and falls backwards into Fox's arms.*

Mario: Fox-a! Let-a her go!

Fox: Huh? Tramps aren't my type. Wenches, yes. Tramps? Hell no. You can have her-

*Peach reawakens in Fox's arms with a shock. She slaps him and runs over to Mario.*

Mario: Peach-a! Are you back-a to normal?

Peach: Why was that filthy animal holding me?

Mario: You were flirting with him-a not-a too long-a ago.

Peach: Mario this is no time to be joking!

Mario: But-a you were!

Popo: You guys are strange.



Chapter 12: Don't Rival My Cuteness

*After a few more strange events, the group finally settles down to figure out which mascot to get next. They seem to have all come to an agreement...all but one.*

Samus: It's settled. We are getting Pikachu next.

Kirby: No!

Zelda: Kirby...why don't you want to get Pikachu? Is there someone else you want to get first?

Kirby: No! I don't want that rodent to come with us at all.

Yoshi: Kirby actually has a grudge against someone? That's news to me!

Kirby: This is not a joking matter! I do not want him to come!

Zelda: Is there any reason that you don't want him to come?

Kirby: ...well I am the leader. If I don't want him to come then he shouldn't have to come!

Samus: You are acting pretty childish. And you haven't been acting like a leader lately.

Kirby: What?

C.Falcon: Armored Muffin is right. She has been doing everything; maybe she should be our leader!

Kirby: Falcon...no one asked you...

C.Falcon: Asked me what?

Kirby: Shut up...please...

Nana: I should be assassinating the person who got away from me right now!

Popo: Nana...you're not supposed to be thinking about that.

Nana: But...just seeing their blood stained on my dagger would give me much pleasure! And I'd be getting paid aswell!

Peach: *whispering to Mario* She just screams "Psycho".

Mario: Peach...

Fox: Heh, hypocrite.

Peach: What was that?!

Fox: What did you think it was?

Peach: Mario...do something about him...

Mario: Peach, just ignore him-a and-a maybe he'll shut-a up.

Yoshi: Come on Kirby. Out with it! Why don't you like Pikachu?

Kirby: It's...

Yoshi: Oh...I can see it on your face. Jealousy.

Zelda: Kirby, are you jealous of Pikachu?

Kirby: So what if I am?

Samus: What is it that you are jealous of Pikachu for? Is it the fame and glory? Don't worry, we all have our own set of loyal fans.

Kirby: It's not that...

Fox: Ah...the punk probably got his arse kicked and holds it against the damn Pokemon.

Kirby: I DID NOT GET MY ARSE KICKED BY THAT RODENT!

Gdorf: I'm pretty sure the byatch is upset over nothing important.

Kirby: This is important...and I AM NOT A BYATCH!

Gdorf: ...Byatch...

Yoshi: Just tell us what you are jealous of now !

Kirby: It's...it's the fact that Pikachu rivals my cuteness.

Popo: Is that all? Is that the reason why you had everyone worried? You do realize that Nana and I combined could make your cuteness turn into ugliness with our own cuteness...but I hate being "cute".

Kirby: This is important...for years; I have been the cute Nintendo Mascot...I was rivaled by no other because there wasn't a Nintendo Mascot as cute as me. It was like my job to be cute...and then...that...that disgusting rodent and a hundred other Pokemon come from nowhere and became a part of the world of Nintendo.

Mario: You have to admit-a that-a they came from-a nowhere!

Kirby: Well...was I worried? No. Infact, I was glad that we had another world added to the world of Nintendo. Of course, and electric rat would never rival my cuteness. But when we met that day, I realized just how cute he really was. Not only was he cute, but extremely popular amongst many at the time. I eventually entered a cute contest to reassure myself that I was the cutest of them all.

Peach: Hey, I remember that contest! I hosted it!

Kirby: All was going well...until I saw him. He had entered the contest aswell. We both beat all of the other contestants with no problem
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#4
Chapter 16: Rapists Suck

*Captain Falcon, Fox, and Peach are all holding onto a rope hanging from the ceiling, clinging on for their very lives. Falcon set off another trap...a lava pit trap.*

Fox: You stupid fawker! I should kick you into the lava!

C.Falcon: I didn't know that the red button was going to open the floor up! I thought it was going to open the door!

Fox: You are the dumbest fawker I have ever met!

Peach: Honey...the button did open the door...so instead of taking your rage out on Falcon, you could please us both by spanking me. *Wink*

Fox: Our arses are hanging on a rope, about to be burnt by a pool of lava and you want me to spank you?!

Peach: The more danger, the more fun it is. *Wink*

C.Falcon: AH! The lava is rising! We have to get in the door!

Peach: That's easy!

*Peach simply jumps from off of the rope and floats over to the door while landing perfectly in the doorway. She turns around to cheer her "baby" on.*

Peach: Come on, honey! You can reach the ledge too!

C.Falcon: Ms. Peach...some of us don't have such jumping skills!

*Fox jumps off of the rope and to the door. He barely makes it, but he manages to grab the ledge. As Fox begins to pull himself up, Falcon jumps off of the rope and to the ledge. He isn't as lucky with his jumping and begins to fall. He grabs Fox's tail, holding on for his life. Pain surges through Fox's body as his tail is being squeezed and pulled on by Captain Falcon.*

Fox: Ugh!

Peach: Honey, what's wrong?!

Fox: The dumb fawker is pulling on my tail! It feels like it's going to fall off!

Peach: FALCON! Let go! I have "plans" for that tail scheduled for tonight!

Fox: You could atleast try helping me up, tramp!

Peach: Oh, right!

*Peach begins to help pull Fox into the door. Fox and Captain Falcon successfully make it into the door. Peach slaps Captain Falcon.*

C.Falcon: Ouch!

Peach: What the hell were you thinking grabbing onto my baby's tail like that?!

C.Falcon: I didn't think he would mind help saving my life!

Peach: If his tail is damaged in anyway...I hope that that galactic bimbo gets raped!

C.Falcon: *Gasp* Samus! I forgot! We have been in here for almost a half hour! She must have been raped by now! DAMN YOU BOWSER!

Fox: *rubbing tail* if it's anyone's fault that she got raped, it's yours! You are a trap magnet! I will never travel anywhere that is trap infested with a dumb fawker like you!

Peach: Honey, is your tail hurt?

Fox: Only a little...not that it's your damn business anyway!

Peach: Aw, don't worry, baby. Your tail will feel better after we put the whipped cream on it later tonight. *Wink*

Fox: WHAT?!

C.Falcon: Why would you put whipped cream on his tail?

Peach: Mind your business, Falcon!

Fox: You are not going to put whipped cream on my tail...or any other part of my body!

Peach: Oh, so you are going to put it on me instead?

Fox: There will be no whipped cream at all!

Peach: I see...well, I have banana pudding! That is probably way more fun than whipped cream!

C.Falcon: How can food be fun?

Fox: *Sigh*

Peach: Honey...what is that?

*Peach points into the depths of the hall as a shadowy figure guards a large red door. The figure is aware of the presence of Falcon, Fox, and Peach. It begins to walk towards them.*

C.Falcon: Bowser! You bastard! I know that's you! Falcon Kick!

*Captain Falcon charges at the figure in a Falcon Kick. The shadowed figure steps into the light, revealing himself to be Donkey Kong. Falcon stops in his tracks before his Falcon Kick collided with the gorilla.*

C.Falcon: Oh...it's just you, DK. Have you seen Samus?

DK: Are you here to take her from Bowser?

C.Falcon: Well, yeah...

*Punch*

*The large gorilla's fist collided with the side of Falcon's head, sending him flying back towards Fox and Peach.*

C.Falcon: What are you doing?! Samus is in trouble!

DK: Bowser has ordered me to beat-up anyone who tries to interrupt his rape session.

C.Falcon: Why would you work for him, anyway?

DK: I get a ton of bananas!

Fox: Figures...

DK: ARGH!

*DK charges towards Falcon, Peach, and Fox. DK comes flying forward with a punch. Falcon backs up against the wall to avoid it, Fox hops over the head of DK, kicking it while in the process. DK stumbles over towards Peach. She jumps back to avoid being the gorilla's cushion. Falcon and Fox take this as an opportunity to kick and stomp DK while he's down. DK gets up with a spin, knocking Falcon and Fox down. Peach begins to throw turnips at the gorilla, but they bounce off of his chest like a paper ball.*

Peach: Uh...honey? Would now be a good time to throw the harpoon?

Fox: No, that's for Bowser!

DK: ...honey? HAHAHAHAHA!!!

Peach: Do you find our relationship funny?!

Fox: WHAT RELATIONSHIP?!?!

DK: You...and him? HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Peach: That is not funny!

*Peach pulls another turnip from the ground. The face of the turnip instantly changes to a "NO I'M GONNA DIE!!!!!"-like face as she stuffs a bob-bomb into the mouth of the turnip. She chucks the turnip at DK who is gasping for air from his laughing fit. A loud explosion echoes through the hall as DK ricochets off of the small walls of the hallway and crashes through the red door he was once guarding. Falcon, Fox, and Peach enter Bowser's throne room to find an unconscious DK and a surprised Troopa guarding the bedroom door.*

Troopa: Um...HALT!

C.Falcon: Where is armored muffin!?

Troopa: Who?

C.Falcon: SAMUS!

Troopa: Oh, it's you guys...and...PEACH?! Bowser will be pleased!

Peach: Where is that bastard anyway? I'm tired of carrying this harpoon!

Troopa: Definitely not in here! *steps infront of bedroom door*

*Thump*

*Squeak*

C.Falcon: What's that noise?

*Inside the bedroom*

Samus: OUCH!

Bowser: It wouldn't hurt so much if you took the suit off!

Samus: Never!

*thwack*

Bowser: Ouch...that cannon is hard!

Samus: Don't make me screw you!

Bowser: SCREW ME BABY!

*Samus does the screw attack straight into Bowser sending him into the wall. She launches her grappling beam and slings him across the room. She then finishes him off with a missile sending him through the door of the bedroom. He flies into the throne room landing ontop of Troopa. Samus walks out of the bedroom with her cannon pointed at Bowser.*

C.Falcon: Armored muffin! You're not raped!

Fox: The harpoon! Now!

Peach: Right, honey!

*Peach launches the harpoon at Bowser's crotch...and misses by a mile. The harpoon flies out of the window of the throne room.*

Fox: YOU CAN'T THROW WORTH SHYTE!

Peach: Sorry, honey. I'm only good with turnips. Now what are we going to destroy Bowser's crotch with?

Samus: Destroy his crotch?

Bowser: Destroy my crotch?

*Samus smiles evilly behind her visor. She launches a missile directly at Bowser's crotch. He pulls Troopa out from under him and blocks the missile. He then flings the burned Troopa at Samus, who flings in away with ease with the swing of her cannon. Bowser gets up and runs over pushes a button on his throne. The ceiling opens revealing several glowing goombas.*

Bowser: I like to call these super goombas.

Samus: What's so "super" about them?

Bowser: You'll see...but first, Peach, I might not have you just yet, but I will have you in the future. Admit it, you enjoyed the last time we met!

Peach: Actually...I've had better.

Bowser: WHAT?!

Peach: A man has handled me roughly a lot better then you ever could! Or, will handle me soon. *She turns, smiling at Fox*

Fox: Huh? What?

Bowser: You...you...you unappreciative byatch!

Peach: Fox! Did you here what he called me?!

Fox: Yeah, so?

*Bowser taps the button again and the "super" goombas are released. They begin to bounce around the room at tremendous speeds causing heavy damage. One bounces off of Captain Falcons head, causing him to fall over. The others begin to flee the room before the super goombas smack into them.


Chapter 17: The Device

*The four walk towards Samus ship after fleeing Bowser's castle, which is still infested with "super" goombas. A super goomba bounces out of the window and into the sky at incredible speed. The four enter the ship to find everyone still asleep...well, everyone except Pikachu, who is still obsessed with the dictionary. Peach collapses onto the floor, changing back into the so called kind, and loving princess.*

Peach: ...what happened?

Fox: You were being an annoyance.

Peach: If anyone were an annoyance it would be you!

Pikachu: *Finally noticing the four* Oh, hi! I was looking in here and there seems to be a few words that were blocked from my vocabulary. I think that Jeff guy programmed these words to be blocked. One of them is spelled B...i-t-c-

Peach: NO! *Grabbing the dictionary* they were blocked for a reason. You are never to say these words!

Pikachu: Never?

Peach: NEVER!

Pikachu: ...okay.

Samus: I almost got raped and everyone's STILL asleep?! WAKE THE HELL UP!!!

*Everyone begins to wake up, a little cranky.*

C.Falcon: Hey...where's Yoshi and Shyla?

Pikachu: Last I saw of them...they went into the back room.

Samus: I better see what those two dinosaurs are up to...

*Samus opens the door to the back room of her ship...all is dark. She enters the room and makes out the voice of Yoshi and Shyla.

Shyla: Harder, dammit, HARDER!

Yoshi: If I do this any harder someone might get hurt > mainly you >!

Shyla: What are you, some wussy man? HARD- Ouch!

Yoshi: I told you someone might get hurt.

Shyla: You did that on purpose!

Yoshi: Heh...maybe I did.

Samus: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!

*The booming of Samus' voice startles both dinosaurs. Shyla's tail smacks into Yoshi, knocking him over.*

Yoshi: Ow...um, Samus, I might need your help over here.

Samus: NEVER!

Yoshi: You're not going to help me get Shyla's head out of the refrigerator?

Samus: ...for a second, I thought you two were doing something else.

Yoshi: Huh...what did you THINK we were doing?

Ness: She thought you two were getting freaky because it sounded like that from way in the front room.

Samus: What is she doing with her head stuck in there anyway?

Yoshi: Not too long ago, we found out that we have something in common. We love to eat! Of course, she can't turn whatever she digests into eggs like me for I am the mighty Yoshi and I rock!

Ness: ...even though laying eggs is the FEMALE's job! *Snicker*.

Yoshi: Shut up! I have no idea why she stuck her head in there. I guess she was THAT hungry.

Shyla: LIER! You told me to look inside.

Yoshi: But I didn't say, "Stick your head inside".

Samus: Let's just pull her out.

*Samus, Ness, and Yoshi tug on the tail of Shyla and she slips right out without a problem.*

Ness: Wow...you must be weak, Yoshi. We pulled her out together without much hassle.

Yoshi: I AM NOT WEAK!

Samus: My...food.

Yoshi: Huh?

*Samus stood there, staring at an empty fridge.*

Samus: She...ate...EVERYTHING! Now I'll have to restock!

Yoshi: Hmph! I didn't get to eat anything.

Shyla: ...I was hungry...

*Samus stomps out of the room and to the cockpit. Yoshi and Shyla walk out of the backroom only to be surprised by the applauding they heard.*

Yoshi: Huh...

Shyla: They think that we...

Yoshi: We didn't do anything!

Gdorf: Sure you didn't...

Ness: Guys, I was there, they didn't do anything...

*Booing erupts throughout the ship.*

Samus: SHUT UP! I am trying to start the ship!

*The booing gets louder.*

Samus: Didn't I say shut up!?

Kirby: Calm down, Samus...we need to concentrate on finding the device right now.

*Samus slams the "launch" button in the cockpit and the ship takes off into the air at incredible speed, sending many crashing down to the floor.

Samus: ...we don't even know where the damn thing is...

C.Falcon: Actually...I have it right here.

Yoshi: WHAT?!

C.Falcon: I won it in the last race I was in. They said it is suppose to bring people from another world back in forth at will. But it doesn't work, tried it.

Yoshi: Knowing you, you probably broke it.

*Falcon pulls out the device from his pocket. He fumbles and drops it on the ground.*

Zelda: FALCON!

C.Falcon: Oops!

*Samus picks up the device and studies it carefully, trying to figure out how it works.*

Samus: Falcon...I know why it wasn't working for you.

C.Falcon: Why?

Samus: Because you never gave it an energy source!

C.Falcon: Energy source?

Samus: BATTERIES!

C.Falcon: Oh...I thought it came with batteries.

Fox: Idiot...

C.Falcon: I am not an idiot!

Link: ...

Yoshi: Sure you aren't, Falcon. Sure you aren't...

C.Falcon: See! Yoshi knows I'm not an idiot.

Yoshi: *Sweatdrop* I was using sarcasm, Falcon.

C.Falcon: Sar- what?

Pikachu: Falcon, come over here and I'll help you look it up in this dictionary.

*Samus skips (SKIPS?!) over to a compartment near her cockpit, obviously, the sudden turn of events has put her into a good mood. She quickly changes the skipping into a fast paced walk before anyone could realize that she was skipping. She opens the compartment and pulls out several batteries and inserts them into the device. Se then walks over to the cockpit and changes the ships coordinates.*

Samus: This device might need some space to function.

Kirby: It's kinda hard to believe that THIS device will bring Miyamoto here.

Yoshi: Yeah, it looks like a freakin' T.V. remote control.

Gdorf: Enough talk! I want to get things straight with Miyamoto!

Samus: Don't go blowing steam off at him. I'm sure it wasn't his decision for you to have Falcon's moveset.

C.Falcon: You should be thanking the people at HAL for giving you such a good moveset. *Smiles*

Gdorf: Well...he better get things straight with HAL. I cannot rule Hyrule with the moveset of Falcon.

Zelda: You'd have to beat Link first, which you've yet to do!

Gdorf: Quiet, before I take the both of you out.

*Link rises to the challenge, unsheathing the Master Sword. The two stare at each other for a moment, and then charge at full speed. Samus' ship comes to an abrupt stop, sending the two tumbling onto the floor. The ship slowly lands on the top of a mountain located in a Jungle region. Everyone begins to pour out of the ship and cluster up as Samus punches in a few buttons on the device. Kirby snatches the device from Samus' hands out of pure anxiousness and pushes the green button labeled "GO".*

Samus: Kirby, no!

Kirby: I thought you set the device already!

*The device began to glow and shot a beam towards the ground and a person began to materialize.*

Samus: If you don't set coordinates on the device and tell it who to bring from the other world, it will pick a random person and bring them here!

Kirby: Well we'll just send them back.

*Peach and Zelda squeal in horror as the person has fully materialized. The person has revealed himself to be the infamous Richard Simmons. Zelda hops behind Link and Peach hops behind Mario, while holding on to Toad as a weapon.*

Mario: Who is-a that?

Zelda: It's evil in its purest form!

Peach: Keep him away from me!

*Simmons checks out the area, and notices the two females hiding from him.*

Fox: Who the hell is this fawker and why does he have the wench and the tramp scared?

Kirby: Ya know, I still have no idea what a wench is.

Pikachu: Well, if you look it up in that dictionary I had-

Kirby: I'm not going to look up anything in a dictionary you touched!

Pikachu: ...I think I should be offended by that comment..?

Simmons: You two ladies *pointing to Zelda and Peach* look like you could lose some weight! I have the perfect 24-hour exercise plan for you both!

Zelda&Peach: EEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!

*Richard approaches Zelda, who is still hiding behind Link. His attention is then taken away from Zelda and turned to Link. He begins to check Link out.*

Simmons: Hey...you look good in that outfit, could you tell me where to get one?

Link: ...?

Zelda: Link! Kill it! It's evil!

*Link begins to unsheathe the Master Sword once again. Richard, realizing that he is not wanted here, begins to make his way over to Yoshi.*

Simmons: You look like you could lose some weight aswell...you wanna exercise with me and the two girls over there?

Yoshi: (irritated) Get away from me!

Simmons: Oh, c'mon! You'll look even sexier than you already do!

*Yoshi whispers something to Shyla. Her eyes go blood red and she begins to foam at the mouth. She starts to roar in a rage and grabs Richard Simmons and starts to chew on his head. Simmons screams in pain. She then attempts to swallow him by raising her head causing Simmons' body to slide further into her mouth.*

Peach: Chew him up!

*Captain Falcon, actually feeling sorry for Richard, attempts to pull him out by his legs dangling from the mouth of Shyla. Shyla smacks Falcon away with her tail, and begins to swing her head about wildly with Simmons still in her mouth, whose body is shaking around like a rag doll.*

Kirby: S-Samus! Do something! We can't just let him DIE!

Samus: No one else seems to have a problem with him becoming food for Shyla.

Kirby: Samus!

Samus: Hmm... > If she eats him, I won't have to worry about her eating the fridge clean again anytime soon. >

Kirby: SAMUS!

Samus: Okay, since you insist.

Fox: No, dammit! This is entertaining!

*Captain Falcon tries to save Richard again, but the vicious dinosaur is swinging the body too wildly for him to grasp onto it. Samus grabs the device from Kirby and pushes the "Return" button while aiming it at the swinging body of Richard Simmons. A beam of light is launched into the mouth of Shyla and Richard Simmons begins to dematerialize and return back to the world from which he came (It's hard to believe that we live on the same planet as the evil being known as Richard Simmons). Shyla's mouth slams shut as the body is now gone. She licks the blood of Simmons off of her lips and teeth with a satisfied look as she comes back to her senses.*

Zelda: The terror is over... *Sigh*

Kirby: Yoshi! What did you tell her that made her go that crazy!

Yoshi: I told Shyla that he was trying to pose as competition for her to win my love. I rock so hard that she wants me to herself with absolutely NO competition.

Zelda: Eliminating the competition...

Shyla: If that man had laid a finger on my Yoshi...

Kirby: You've probably already killed the man! What else would you do to him?!

*A transparent screen appears infront of the device while Samus punches in coordinates. The screen went from blank to the picture of a conference room. Several men were discussing something on a black (and nicely shiny) table inside. Several pictures of old Legend of Zelda games are scattered on the table. The men were discussing the issue of whether or not to remake older Legend of Zelda games and putting them on one disk for the Gamecube. Samus hits the "Go" button on the device and a strange light surrounds one of the men in the room. He dematerializes from the chair. Several of the men look around the room trying to figure out where he went. The man materializes on the mountain, a few feet away from the crowd of Nintendo mascots.

Kirby: *Gasp* Shigeru Miyamoto!


Chapter 18: Miyamoto Arrives

Kirby: He's here! What do we say?!

Samus: Calm down fir-

Kirby: What if he refuses our request?! What if he doesn't like us and decides to delete us from the Nintendo Universe?!?! What if-

Samus: CALM DOWN!

Zelda: ...what do we say?

Shigeru: ...?

C.Falcon: Kirby, ask him!

Kirby: Well...uh...

Yoshi: For a leader, you aren't showing much courage.

Gdorf: Ask him! I can't live with the thought of having that...that...buffoons' moveset!

C.Falcon: Hey!

Kirby: Er...Mr. Miyamoto-if I can call you that...you see...this may be hard to believe but...the Nintendo Universe...is real and we, the Nintendo mascots, are real aswell.

Shigeru: Actually, that's not hard to believe at all.

Kirby: Huh?!

Shigeru: I knew what I was doing when this place was created. I knew it existed along with all of you. I also knew it would be a matter of time before I was pulled in here.

Kirby: Whoa...you know alot.

Yoshi: Well, duh. How else would we get letters from Nintendo telling us to come to a tournament?

Kirby: Well, you were brought here for a reason. We all wanted to ask you-Ah!

*Before Kirby can finish asking the question, Mario pushes Kirby out of the way.*

Mario: We wanted to ask-a you if you could-a change some of the rules for the Super Smash Brothers Melee Tournament-a!

Kirby: Hey!

Shigeru: Of course! I was dragged all the way here, something must be wrong with the rules. Now if you could tell me what's wrong
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